How to Make Vow Renewal Ceremonies
Events to Remember

And for many couples, vow renewal ceremonies are very personal, a way for the couple to express to each other that they are still so in love that they would marry each other all over again or that their love has deepened because of an event that they recently came through and in the process have realized a deeper appreciation for one another.

And what better way to express that love and appreciation than by the renewing of vows.

Intimate and Romantic Vow Renewal Ideas
For any number of reasons, maybe you've never had a real honeymoon or the honeymoon of your dreams and your children have given you an anniversary gift of a special honeymoon like a cruise or trip to Las Vegas, or any number of romantic get-aways for two. You can use that second honeymoon to renew your vows and maybe even exchange new rings as anniversary gifts to each other.

Some other ideas for intimate vow renewal ceremonies may include renting a secluded cabin or a room in a bed and breakfast and having a local minister, mayor or district justice officiate your intimate and personal event.

Or you may want to have a small gathering at your home with your children and other family and ask a close family member to officiate a vow renewal ceremony with your children standing with you to bless your continued union.

But what if this described your wedding day?

What if you had to put off having the wedding of your dreams for any number of reasons - military deployment where you said "I Do" in a quick gig with the chaplain in a very unromantic setting; financial reasons kept you from having the wedding ceremony you really wanted or maybe even health issues altered your original wedding plans and you've always felt that you missed something by not having the big fairytale wedding that you always dreamed about.

But in reality, a "wedding" is defined as (1) a marriage ceremony usually with its accompanying festivities; (2) an act, process, or instance of joining in close association; (3) a wedding anniversary or its celebration.

Therefore, by definition a vow renewal ceremony or an anniversary celebration where you are renewing your vows certainly is a wedding and certainly can be celebrated as one.

So unless it is your dream to do so and it's how you want to celebrate your marraige or wedding anniversary, vow renewal ceremonies do not have to be private, intimate affairs where you and your husband retreat to places unknown to repeat your romantic wedding vows. Your renewal ceremony can be the big, fancy affair you've always dreamed of, or a smaller affair with close family and friends.

And while there really are no set rules on what you can and can't do for this event, there are some rules of thought on the etiquette of an elaborate vow renewal wedding ceremony, but the decision on the planning really is up to you.

Here are some frequently asked questions about the etiquette and planning of vow renewal ceremonies and how to know what to do:

Can we have attendants?

Can we register with gift registries?

Am I allowed to have a bridal shower?

Who officiates a reaffirmation ceremony?

What vows do we say?

What kind of wedding dress is appropriate?

Where should we have our ceremony?

How do we word our invitations?

There are some exceptions to this, however, as there are usually exceptions to any "rule." What if you want to recreate your original wedding because you had so much fun and you're still the fun-loving, happy couple that you were when you got married? Well, if your original attendants agree to it, do it again. You may not want to refer to them as the Maid or Matron of Honor and Best Man. You may simply refer to anyone in the wedding party as "attendants."

And instead of the elaborate bridesmaids gowns that they wore the first time, you may want them to wear something a little more informal - and affordable. And instead of tuxedos, your men can wear nice matching suits.

And if you never had the big formal affair for your wedding, for instance if you said your vows in a quick civil ceremony before a military deployment, then make your vow renewal ceremony the big affair that you weren't able to have the first time, complete with all the bells and whistles.

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What about gift registries?
Vow renewal ceremonies are, for the most part, anniversary celebrations and since you are already married, you really should not be registering with gift registries. Wedding gift registries are really so your guests know what to give the newlyweds who are starting out on their own. Once you're already married and on your own, you should not be asking for any more gifts from your family and friends.

But what if you had a quick and very uneventful civil ceremony prior to a military deployment? It was just you, your fiance and the chaplain and maybe a clerk or a superior officer as a witness. No festivities. You said 'I Do' and your new spouse went running for the bus or plane and was shipped out of the country.

Maybe you're still living with your parents while your spouse is deployed or you're living on the base alone and you're not actually going to be starting your lives together as husband and wife until he returns.

This is a great example of an exception to every rule of vow renewal ceremonies. In this scenario, you really did not have anything resembling a Wedding. Even your parents weren't there to congratulate you. You really didn't even elope!

In this case, yes, you can register with a gift registry and plan your wedding day for when your spouse returns. Legally you're already married and your anniversary date won't change. But in every other respect, this will be Your Wedding Day.

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Bridal Showers
As a rule and in keeping with proper etiquette, bridal showers and bachelor parties are reserved for the first-time newlyweds much the same as gift registries. Bridal showers or "hen parties," are parties to celebrate the last night of the bride-to-be as a single woman and congratulate her on her upcoming wedding. The gifts at a bridal shower can range from intimate apparel that she'll be wearing for her new husband to funny gifts like household cleaning items, to remind her that she's going to be moving out of her parents' house and will now have her own place to clean.

So no, you should not expect and shouldn't even ask for a bridal shower before your vow renewal wedding ceremony. It's actually rather tacky to even think of it.

The exception to the rule, again, quick, uneventful civil ceremonies prior to a military deployment, where you weren't able to be given a bridal shower and you're planning your real "wedding" for when your spouse comes home.

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Who officiates a reaffirmation ceremony?
Your officiant can be anyone you want. If your first wedding was a civil ceremony and now you'd like something more religious, you can contact a minister to officiate. If you're friends with a local district justice or mayor, you may choose to have him, although it's not necessary because you're already legally married.

You can choose a close friend, relative or even one of your children to be your officiant. It's whatever or whomever you want! My cousin's husband is going to be our officiant. I wanted a close friend and member of the family and he fit the bill perfectly.

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What vows do we say?
For your vows, you can choose to repeat the exact vows you spoke on your wedding day, or write new ones that reflect the time you've been together and how you still feel.

I'm not much of a romance writer and didn't want our vows to sound like something canned. So I did a lot of research on the Internet, picked out a variety of different sample vows that said exactly what I wanted us to say, then blended them in, changed some around, and wrote the final draft that my husband and I will repeat to each other.

I also wrote the greeting that my cousin will read to our guests when the ceremony starts. And no one has to memorize a thing. I'll have our ceremony printed in booklet style on cardstock for my cousin to hold and read from, which makes him a lot more comfortable. Then he'll read our vows and we'll repeat them, so we don't have to memorize them either.

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What kind of wedding dress is appropriate?
That is really a personal choice. If you can still fit into your original wedding gown, feel free to wear it again. If you had a large traditional ceremony when you got married, you can wear a more casual dress for this ceremony. The choice is yours depending on how small and intimate or large and formal the reaffirmation ceremony is that you're planning.

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Where should we have our ceremony?
And just like with planning any other wedding, you can choose to have your vow renewal ceremony anywhere you want-outside, at a fire banquet hall, anywhere that will accommodate the amount of people you will be inviting.

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Invitations for Vow Renewals
Invitations for vow renewal ceremonies will depend on the formality of the celebration. For smaller, more intimate events, you can simply send an email to your friends and relatives or even book the event on Facebook.

For more formal vow renewal ceremonies, simply follow the same rules for any other wedding invitations, but in this case, you or possibly your children are hosting the event, not your parents. And instead of using words like "marriage" or "join together," you can substitute phrases like "renew our vows" or "reaffirm our commmitment."

Some sample wordings are...

The honor of your presence
is requested at
the reaffirmation of the wedding vows of...

Please join us
as we renew our wedding vows
and celebrate (5, 10, 25...) years together...

The children of
(your names)
Request the honor of your presence...

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Are you planning to renew your vows - or have you already?

If you're planning a vow renewal ceremony and need some ideas, or you've already renewed your vows, share your ideas on what made it special for you.

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